I am a beginner . . .
A beginner at painting, at life, at relationships, the whole gambit. I care deeply about a whole bunch of stuff…creativity, peace, animals, astrology, nature, being present, growth, music, integration, awareness, consciousness and acceptance of myself. I’ve realised I’ll always be a beginner and, yippee for that! I remind myself of this often, so that I keep qualities like curiosity, awareness, and the ability to flow with change, continuously alive. I know a woman, imbued with wisdom and clarity, who told me that the older she gets, the less she knows. YES!! That’s what I want to be – gloriously innocent and new to the process of life; open and receptive to what is, not to what my ego and fear tells me “should be”.
My painting continues to be one of the most humbling and enlightening experiences of my life. It is not where I began, but I have never looked back. I am constantly thrown into not knowing what the hell I’m doing. Every time I find a “winning formula”, I find myself back at the beginning again, having no choice but to embrace the fact that there’s no instruction manual, having to trust what I can’t know or see. Why didn’t they teach us this at school.. that we have no control, no security? More importantly, why didn’t they teach us that this uncertainty, this freedom, is actually the miracle of life, the core of creativity? My life’s mission, whether it’s expressed in my painting, my communication with my animals, with wildlife, with other people, with myself…is to let go, to exhale and simply let go.
This life consists of my art as well as all my many life events, relationships and challenges, but the overall theme is growth into consciousness, awareness and acceptance. Art is one of the ways in which I interact with myself, life and the world; one of the ways in which I express myself. The greatest reward for finding the courage to do this, is when my painting becomes a conduit of real connection to me or another person or animal; when it creates a flow of energy, of exchange and inspiration. I fall down a lot and I forget a great deal, but I get back up again and the time it takes me to do that is getting shorter. I’m only just starting to get that whatever we do, however we define ourselves, at the end of the day, we are all simply a unique expression of Life. My constant question is “How do I choose to express life in this moment?” In fear or in love? I’m starting to choose love more.