I am a beginner . . .
A beginner at painting, at life, at relationships, the entire messy business. I care deeply about a whole bunch of stuff…creativity, healing, self-expression, astrology, nature, being present, consciousness and acceptance of myself, just as I am in this moment. I’ve realised I’ll always be a beginner. I’m reminded of this often, usually when life doesn’t go my way. And then I know I’m being asked to keep qualities like curiosity, awareness, and the ability to flow with change, alive. What I want to be when I grow up is open; open and receptive to what is, right here, right now.
Practising my creativity, in whatever form it takes, continues to be one of the most humbling and enlightening experiences of my life. It is not where I began, and who knows where I’m headed, but I know my creativity will be there right alongside me. I am constantly thrown into not knowing what the hell I’m doing. Every time I find a “winning formula”, I find myself back at the beginning again, having no choice but to embrace the fact that there’s no instruction manual, having to trust what I can’t know or see. Why didn’t they teach us this at school.. that we have zero control over what happens? More importantly, why didn’t they teach us that this uncertainty, this freedom, is actually the miracle of life, the core of creativity? I find I am constantly asked to just exhale and let go…
I am a student, teacher and lover of art, astrology and wealth creation. I have spent many years trying to squash myself into a box of definition, about who I was, what I did. The fact that its called “branding” should be indication enough that it can be a painful and constricting experience. These areas of life are my passions and are some of the most important ways in which I interact with myself, life and the world – its that simple. The greatest reward for finding the courage to do this, is when they become a conduit of real connection to me or another person or animal; when they create a flow of energy, of healing and inspiration.
I fall down a lot and I forget a great deal, but I get back up again and the time it takes me to do that is getting shorter. I’m only just starting to get that whatever we do, however we define ourselves, at the end of the day, we are all simply a unique expression of Life. My constant question is “How do I choose to express life in this moment?” In fear or in love? I’m starting to choose love more.
What’s most gratifying is that I’m not done yet…
I’m just at the beginning!
